The Unholy Menace

Not much has been happening lately. Just been amusing myself with the computer games I have, but mostly just to avoid the mundane chores of cleaning the house. We finally finished cutting the baseboards for our bedroom redesign. After we are done with this little project, it will be sweet as hell. Owning a house is a lot of work, but a lot of fun.

It was a nice night, so we opened all the windows. There's nothing like a good breeze. I was feeling good so I asked my wife if we could watch a movie while working on cutting the baseboards. We had just borrowed House of 1000 Corpses, so into the DVD player it goes and we get to work, cutting up boards while the actors cut up bodies.

I think we scared our neighbors. Shortly after we started watching they all ran inside, closed the windows and bolted the doors. They probably began praying for our salvation. We live in a pretty quiet neighborhood with seemingly nice neighbors. I think they may all be religious because when I wake up at like noonish on Sunday, I am barely scratching my ass when I notice some of them comming home from somewhere all dressed up nice and fancy.

I have an update on my other neighbors, the one young guy (late twenties) and his new wife who are staying with his retired parents while they get on their feet, is really nice to me. Him and his wife always smile brightly and give a hearty hello. I know it can't be that I look good naked, but may very well be they think I am a psychopath (read: My Nemesis).

Between the movie choices I have (Harry Potter, anything with Zombies, Vampires and ass kickings), my hatred of the morning sun and the hilarity that becomes my life when I am woken up too early by crazed birds, I think I am truely the Unholy Menace of the neighborhood. An uneducated new age heathen. My white collar clothes are my sheepskin with which I used to make a pact with the devil in order to become a member of this established neighborhood. One without the correcting arm of an all asshole home owner association. I half-expect someone to wander over and try to convert me to their secret suburban society, the one that has kept them safe for 20 years. Like a bad xfiles episode or the stepford wives, if I were to refuse, they would all gather at my doorstep with torches and pitchforks ready for a cleansing!

...back in reality...

The sun is shining and the breeze is relaxing as I sit in the living room watching out the picture window in the front where everything on our little cul de sac is really peaceful. People go about their own business oblivious to the fact that my own personal apocolypse is occurring in my head. Maybe I've just watched too many movies. Of course, that's what they want me to think. Then, just when I let my defenses down...