Best Laid Plans

So this weekend was like most others - house chores, laundry, video games - with an added twist of having to decide between relatives and work related issues. It wasn't even my work related issues, it was my wife's.

The story starts around my cousin's graduation. My wife and I couldn't make it to MN because I couldn't get the time off work. I figured no big deal, I'd send a card, everything would be peachy. Then he said he was having a get together on the weekend of July 23rd.

My wife's company picnic was on July 30th. Several weeks pass and we get an invitation - "My Cousin's Grad Party II" (sounds like a leisure suit larry episode) was also on the 30th.

Shit, now what.

I was torn between wanting to visit family but also financial continuance. On my wife's review they said she needs to socialize more with the team. Whatever the hell that means. So we figured the picnic was the best opportunity to engage in said activity.

So, genius that I am I figure we can go to both. Let's just say, trying to do 2 things at once leaves you not really doing either very well.

As I was contemplating Saturday's activities and how I could have better maximized the time, a little flying ant landed on my keyboard. Being that I was deep in thought my first instinct of - AHHH! BUG!! SMASH!! - was repressed and I decided to use a screw driver and poke at it lazily. The damned thing turned and attacked the screw driver. I don't mean inspected it, I mean wanted to tear it apart. So I poked it with my finger from the other direction. Well it must be having the worst possible day an ant can be having because I probably weigh a million times more than it does and it turned and flew at my face and bit me.

Being the strong man that I am I did what anyone would do when confronted with an angry insect assault: I screamed like a 12 year old girl, threw my headset in the direction of the ant, fell backward in my chair, & lost my robe trying to do the "get it off me dance".

Searching for the ant, it had occurred to me that my opportunity to smash it or to exact any sort of revenge for being bit in the face had come and gone. My hesitation left me with an empty feeling of being violated by an insect.

Advice for the week: When you see a bug, trust your instinct of AHH!! BUG!! SMASH!!! Don't be that jackass in every movie that reaches out to touch the creature that looks small and harmless, it just might kill you. "Aw, look how cute he is!" *CHOMP* o_O