"The only child ever to survive a roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris was Gary Colman. He hasn't grown since."
GAHHH! See? There it is again!
"One day Chuck Norris sneezed and the city of Atlantis was never seen nor heard from again."
It's going to drive me insane. I suppose some of them are mildly amusing, but some border on obscene. Go on, say one. They're all listening.
"*ahem* The first time Chuck Norris got an erection, he put a hole in the Ozone Layer."
...
"Chuck Norris was on an episode of Survivor once, but the studio had to cut it after he killed everyone on the island when someone ate his Cheetos."
Apparently Chuck Norris can also fly. This is because gravity doesn't mess with Chuck Norris.
"You are wise. Chuck Norris does not have to mow his lawn either. He simply stares at the grass and dares it to grow."
Perfect. I have invented a voice in my head that tells me I am wise for knowing the power that is Chuck Norris.
"You didn't invent me! I'm real!"
I can't wait for summer to get here. I've been cooped up for months. Sure, there are winter activities, if there were snow! There's no snow, no ice, no rain. Not even clouds. It's just fucking cold. I thought that snow and cold go hand in hand, but apparently, snow took a sabbatical this year.
"Snow is on medical leave after a run in with Chuck Norris, actually."
I went outside to walk the dog and figured if I stayed mobile, we could make it work. I had on my winter gear, gloves, hat, boots, the works.
"Now you're just ignoring me. How childish are you?"
I ran around playing with my new puppy for about 10 minutes until I realized, I couldn't feel my extremities. And I think a booger froze IN my nose. So, other than failing to stay outside for more than 10 minutes at any given point in time this frozen non-snowing winter, I've been playing World of Warcraft for the past 3-4 months, which doesn't really lend itself to exciting conversation. I let my subscription lapse just because I needed something else to talk about. Oh, and to get away from the verbal diarrhea that is Chuck Norris jokes.
"Chuck Norris actually doesn't know how to swim, but water is just too afraid to do anything about it."
OMG, if I even mention his name, out pops another Chuck Norris joke.
"Chuck Norris uses his penis to look around corners."
See, now that's just plain wrong. I'm leaving.
"What did I say? Wait, come back! Aw, c'mon, I was just kidding! Okay it doesn't look around corners, but Chuck Norris can submerge himself and breathe from his erect penis like a snorkel."
...
"tee hee! A snorkel. That was a good one."
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