"Celebrities are comming! Celebrities are comming! Hurry up fo' its too late! Come on down to Shitload O' Jewels and get yo' bling in time for that Super Bowl thang! Don't be caught at that fly bitches' party without yo' bling! The more you get, the less she'll spit!"
Okay, so that wasn't exactly what the obnoxious commercial announcer said word for word, but it wasn't too far off. Commercials like that sprang up two weeks before Super Bowl Sunday faster than your dad looking at online porno for the first time. It was like a veritable ghetto superstore blowout complete with insulting target demographic slang and disclaimer: "no returns, exchanges or refunds" flashing at the bottom of every commercial. The commercials ranged the gambit from leather coats, fur coats, shoes (2 for!), 'bling' of course & even Cadillac Escalade rental commercials! Yes, there were commercials advertising specifically Cadillac Escalade rentals.
Nice.
I think that is just the head of a long string of bad commercials with stupid premise or that feed inept commercialism. Like the KFC commercial "You're the Boss!". In this commercial, they talk about now at KFC you get to choose your toppings at their new "Makin' Station!". So now, I'm the boss and I'm empowered and dammit! If I want secret sauce on my mystery meat chicken, I don't have to worry, because dammit, I'm the boss!
Man, that's such a relief. I can't remember the last time I got to choose my own topping. The other day at McDonald's I was like, "May I please have some Hot Mustard for my wonderfully delicious chicken McNuggets?" and the attendant was all like "No bitch, you're getting ketchup and you are going to eat it and like it!"
*sigh* If only I had gone to KFC I could have been my own boss and picked my own toppings. I sat in the corner and hung my head in shame while eating my McMystery Meat with ketchup. I could hear them all laughing and high-fiving each other and I just wished that for once I had a choice. *sniff*
So last night a woman visited me and said her name was Helen Hanbasket. I thought that was pretty strange, but even weirder she handed me a flier. It looked kind of like a bus stop brochure with two points on it. One point was a dot that said birth and the other was a dot that said Hell in big red letters. There was a line drawn between the two with a circle on the line somewhere in the middle that read: "You are here."
What's that all about? Ah who cares, a Friends rerun was on TV. Man that Joey's a hoot isn't he?
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