My Nemesis

Let me preface this by saying I am not an animal hater by any stretch of the imagination, but I'll be damned if that woodpecker will get the best of me.

My wife and I live in a 2 story wood house that is surrounded by hundreds of trees. More trees than blades of grass it seems. We live in the city or rual area, whatever you call it, backed against a Nature Preserve (Michigan term for swamp / undevelopable land).

Every morning between 5am and 6am there is a rapid 'tap tap tap' on the wall outside my bedroom. This one woodpecker lands on the side of the house right next to my head (2nd floor bedroom). I used to bang on the wall and he'd fly away, but we must have some tasty bugs in the side of the house because he is back everyday and more persistent than ever, while less and less scares him.

Two+ weeks of this go by, every morning we bang on the wall and he stops, listens and continues. I think I even saw him once land on the window ledge and peek in. My one open eye shot a sleepy glare in his direction. I swear to god, he smiled mischieviously at me, flew back around the side of the house and started pecking again.

Boom! Like a flash I shot up outta bed, out the door, down the stairs leaving my wife sitting up sleepily wondering where the hell I was going.

So I'm in the yard looking for that damn woodpecker, but alas he has flown off into the woods, probably watching from a safe distance camoflauged in the trees. Then I hear a car door shut and the turning of a key. It's one of my neighbors going to work. He probably would have said hello except for the fact that I am standing in wet grass, 6:30 in the morning, fully naked, holding a BB-gun and looking up at the side of my house and searching the trees for apparently, something to kill.

The fact I had forgot my robe or any clothing what-so-ever hadn't occurred to me in my frenzied half-sleep rampage out of the house. The birds weren't chirping that morning, they were laughing their collective asses off.

I went back into the house with what was left of my dignity and when I told my wife that I think someone might have seen a crazed naked man running out of a house with a BB-gun in the wee hours of the morning, she laughed so hard, she couldn't get back to sleep. Neither could I. I kept thinking I'd have to explain that someday and I could hear the conversation play out in my head. Ever tried to explain that you aren't a hairy savage that hunts his breakfast in the morning with nothing but a birthday suit on? Me either. Yet.

Damn woodpecker...

Shit Balls

Is this thing on? What do you know, my first blog.

First Post!!

... hate those people.

Anyway, cool beans, now I get to post my opinions on the interweb where millions of people can read about it and not care what I have to say!

Sweet! >_<